I acquired an ever so beautiful electronic mail from a reader named Cindy who not too way back stumbled throughout my weblog posts about getting two cats to get alongside.
She’s herself on this scenario and requested for some extra assist if I had any to supply her for her specific case.
The TLDR (i.e. “too lengthy didn’t learn”) model of her thorough message to me is the next abstract:
She’s newly adopted a kitten, who she’s head over heels in love with (so completely satisfied for her!). She has an older cat who’s round 5 years outdated, and this older cat has at all times had points with nervousness to an extent.
The 2 cats don’t get alongside however she doesn’t essentially thoughts in the event that they’re not finest mates. She’s simply hoping she will be able to get them to co-exist. And has used a whole lot of the ideas and methods I discussed in my articles, and is asking if there’s any extra recommendation I can provide her.
As I discussed, in her message she mentioned she learn by way of my articles on this matter and talked about she’d learn two, so I hope you don’t thoughts that I hyperlink them now in case you wish to learn them your self beforehand.
To my data they’re:
- Get Two Cats to Get Alongside: What I Did & Sure, It Completely Labored &
- My Lap Cat’s Persona Didn’t Change After I Acquired a Second Cat (This Did…)
These are each articles I wrote about my very own private expertise. Earlier than I had two cats I’d written some recommendation in these articles on the subject of getting two cats to get alongside as nicely:
So you may test these out too, as most of the ideas are nonetheless related.
Now time to point out you her electronic mail so you may delve into the small print of her scenario should you’d like. As a heads up, it’s a really lengthy electronic mail, so you may skip previous it should you like, however I LOVE lengthy emails that give such detailed explanations of what’s occurring to your cats at dwelling, as a result of they assist determine issues that may be mounted a lot extra simply.
So please oh please, should you take the time to succeed in out to me with a cat-related drawback, please be happy to rant on and on and depart me as a lot data as you may, as a result of it’s extremely helpful in getting me to see a fuller image of what life is like on your cats after which provide far more custom-tailored recommendation to you.
And truthfully please if you’re occupied with asking me a query completely don’t hesitate to. I like to get these and assist any method I can. I simply need all our kitties to be completely satisfied and wholesome so I attempt to assist if there are any bits of recommendation or ideas I can share!
However with out additional ado – her electronic mail to me, and my recommendation to comply with…
Cindy’s Story: An Grownup Cat & Newly Adopted Kitten Not Getting Alongside – Is There Hope?
Hello Elise,
I discovered your web site in the present day and have discovered it distinctive (lots of your concepts I’ve not heard earlier than) and…I hope…useful
Right here’s my scenario.
simply adopted a 3 month outdated kitten Whois just about excellent! He’s good, loving, candy and responds in methods I perceive. That means I’ve had cats my complete life and he responds in ways in which make sense to me. No drawback right here. Simply pleasure!
My drawback is my different cat who’s a 5 yr outdated feminine that I’ve had since she was 8 weeks outdated.
Sadly, she was separated from her mom and siblings for a time frame (don’t know the way lengthy) earlier than she was given to me. She got here from a farm. Her mom a barn cat. We reside within the Bay Space and the summer time she was born the Napa Fires (Napa Valley, Ca) had been to horrible that though we reside 30 miles away…our air was significantly polluted with smoke. Dolly (her title) had a critical respiratory an infection because of the smoke, that the proprietor thought was another sickness so she separated her from her litter mates and mom.
So…she got here to me..bodily and emotionally broken. Fixing her bodily was straightforward. A visit to the vet and antibiotics is all it took. Fixing her insecurities have been an ongoing undertaking. I’ve spoiled and cherished her in each method I understand how over the previous 5 years. However, she stays painfully shy, frightened of just about all the things and everybody.
In the course of the previous 5 years…,Covid hit…bringing with it its isolation ( so socialization didn’t occur) in addition to my husband has been identified with Parkinson’s and I’m his caretaker. The ‘excellent news’ is I’ve been dwelling with Dolly 24/7 as that is required to deal with my husband. However, as I mentioned…this isolation from Covid as wells my husband wants assist with all his fundamental wants (wheelchair/mattress sure…wants assist with dressing, consuming, rest room, and so on.)…I point out all this as a result of this main transition from main regular lives to the place we’re in the present day…has impacted all the things greater than I believed something may. Level is…poor Dolly. Stress metropolis has continued for her I’ve little doubt though I’m an actual animal lover and have been my complete life and I’ve labored actually onerous to spoil and play along with her and meet her wants daily…she continues to be exhibiting indicators of main stress..indicators I’ve by no means encountered earlier than. Examples: she will likely be affectionate briefly however in a short time (I’ve come to have the ability to learn her and more often than not…can keep away from…her sudden 189shift to biting me and/or scratching me…onerous! This isn’t over stimulated play time gone awry. She’s over stimulated which occurs in a short time!!…after which ‘corrects’ me by biting to inform me to cease. Which I do. Or, if I’m enjoying ‘mouse’ along with her ( toy mouse on wand..her favourite!) and the choose up the telephone whereas enjoying along with her, she’s going to chunk me to precise her disapproval of me sharing my consideration with one thing else.
Now…enter my new little bot kitten whom I knew it will take a transition (cats at all times do…it appears) however as I’m making an attempt to navigate this new starting…I’m realizing, maybe for the primary time(??…possibly I didn’t wish to see it earlier than) how broken Dolly is…soooo very pressured…lengthy earlier than 7 days in the past after I thought a pal is perhaps good for her (she typically acts bored and lonely ….diving to home windows to look at outdoors cats go by or a squirrel and so on,) in addition to me…making an attempt to steadiness my life which has develop into so out of steadiness as a 24/7 caretaker.
So…after studying your essay on ideas for getting two cats to get coexist…I feel I’m performing some issues proper.
We bought a pet ‘’display door’ that blocks the brand new kitten into his personal room (filled with sources for his wants) as a way to maintain him secure and separated from Dolly whereas the required acclimation time takes place…nonetheless lengthy that takes…whereas permitting him to see into the hallway and for Dolly to have the ability to see and odor him too…with out with the ability to injure him.
At first, Dolly wouldn’t even go down the corridor even after I knew she needed to…for instance, to sleep with me at evening as normal.
It’s been every week now. Dolly has laid away from the display staring on the kitten who reacts solely with curiosity ( no aggression) and continues to growl and hiss at him
That’s the place we’re at. After studying your article, I’ve been doubling up on my loving of Dolly making an attempt to de-stress her from…as I’ve defined, a horrible excellent storm of stress that Dolly has needed to take care of…lengthy earlier than every week in the past. And now what? Questioning if there’s any extra perception into our story and if there’s hope that we, too, can not less than coexist in some semblance of a cheerful household. Each these stunning kitties deserve the easiest dwelling on the planet (as all of them do)…however feeling horrible that my ignorance has and possibly can’t make our dwelling the perfect for them…which is sort of unattainable to write down these phrases as a result of I like them each a lot.
I hope I’m writing to the precise place to succeed in you in addition to I hope I haven’t taken up an excessive amount of of your time. Your expertise, phrases and perspective appeared to ring true to me and, once more, as I discussed at first, ones I haven’t heard about earlier than (ie. Stress not the brand new cat is probably..the actual explanation for what in any other case seems to be a cat .drawback
Any assist/perception you would possibly be capable to give me could be so very appreciated.
If not. I perceive. I’m out of concepts too.
Thanks, Elise, both method for even studying this (if you’re) and for caring for kitties a lot… for giving …a lot… of your self…as a way to attempt to assist…and love …these superb animals.
God bless you!!
Cindy
My Recommendation to Cindy: Assist Her 5 Yr Previous Grownup Cat Settle for the New Kitten’s Presence With Much less Nervousness
I’d completely by no means wish to give false hope to anybody, however in all my years having lived with, adopted off the streets, primarily fostered, and actually well-loved many kinds of personalities of cats, I really feel like there are few cats whose behaviours can’t be improved over time.
Typically the problematic behaviours are foolish little issues that every one cats do that you may simply prepare them out of. Like leaping on counters. However probably the most troublesome ones that actually stick round for a very long time, and are problematic in a method that makes you continue to ever-so-empathetic – these are virtually solely all the way down to stress and nervousness.
And so this may be very tough to take care of! As you mentioned, therapeutic a cat bodily is so fast and simple! A lot simpler than getting a cat to emotionally transfer previous the stress and nervousness that they carry. Similar for us as people more often than not, isn’t it?
However again to your specific scenario, as a result of I truthfully personally see quite a bit of hope right here. And I’m not saying this air-headedly or flippantly in any respect. There’s a whole lot of hope for lots of causes, however what you have got going for you is:
- You’re making an attempt. Which is the primary and most elementary step, however is one so few folks actually proceed to do over time as a result of it’s onerous to proceed to attempt for a sustained time frame.
- You’re clearly empathetic. And actually learn them as finest as you may. The instances the place you couldn’t predict one thing would occur earlier than it did, you continue to understood why it occurred after it did. Which is a massively great tool that’s going to work so that you can make this example higher.
- You might be dwelling quite a bit (and kudos to you for being the caretaker on your husband – not a simple job in any respect to be each spouse and caretaker!! Very spectacular!), which suggests you have got the one-on-one time with the cats all through the day which is so helpful since constant quick bursts are far more helpful if you’re making an attempt to coach a cat.
- You’ve acquired the fundamentals down, and also you’re nonetheless wanting extra issues to attempt. That is big, so I’m going to attempt to offer you a sport plan right here.
Now I’m going to say one thing you most likely didn’t anticipate to listen to…
It’s attainable that your new kitten might help your grownup, pressured and anxious kitty to heal her nervousness and develop into much less nervous.
I began writing about my firsthand expertise with this modification over time with my first cat Avery and the way he now has a a lot better life due to the 2 cats, though he hated them at first.
Then realized this was a publish in itself, so I’ll inform that story one other day. Subscribe to this weblog and keep tuned if you wish to learn that story (and I’ll replace this weblog publish with the hyperlink when it’s up). (Edit 2024-01-08: The brand new publish is up now, you may see it right here!)
However again to your case. Your outdated cat is appearing out with you in ways in which she would have acted out if she had siblings. She’s biting you as if you’re a fluffy little cat mamma and doesn’t wish to harm you, but in addition doesn’t know how one can get her method – the eye she desires, and doubtless additionally solely has you to get consideration from, because it sounds prefer it’s simply you and your husband in that dwelling and he absolutely can’t give her the eye you do.
You’re all she’s acquired. Up till now. So it’s possible you’ll discover that these two start to assist and heal one another as they develop collectively. However first you’ve acquired to get them to co-exist, after which the magic occurs slowly, over time, on their very own, as they be taught to forge a relationship with one another.
And sure, the magic occurs in methods you don’t anticipate it to, typically. And isn’t excellent. But it surely normally does occur.
To get them to co-exist, listed below are my methods, which it’s best to use as typically as you presumably can. As they’ll assist the method of acceptance.
1. Everytime you play together with your grownup cat, put your kitten in a provider and place her close by.
At first it will stress out your grownup cat. Loads. I seen what I believed was an odd behaviour at first with my grownup cat Avery after I adopted my second cat, Bjorn.
Bjorn was way more playful, and Avery mainly by no means performed, however when Bjorn would play Avery would get mad. Livid. Hiss and grumble audibly and even at factors the place in any other case he was tremendous with Bjorn, this is able to at all times set him off.
I feel being in play mode or seeing one other cat in play mode is to us fairly an harmless factor. It’s “play” to us, however to them, it’s most likely “apply searching” and even outright risk of a cat battle breaking out and thus potential damage. That’s not good if you take a look at it from their perspective. A cat they don’t belief getting hyperactive is gearing up for doing injury, and that could possibly be harmful.
So I began down the method of getting my cats to soundly be capable to watch one another play, and that was the final step for me to essentially get them okay with one another. However now that I do know what I do know, I feel this final piece can really start first.
Get your grownup cat to be the one to play in entrance of your youthful cat, all of the whereas your youthful cat is secure within the provider. The grownup cat will get her wants met and be completely satisfied, and the youthful cat will likely be perceived as much less and fewer of a risk. Once you’ve gotten a couple of playtimes beneath your belt then…
2. Flip the script, begin placing your grownup cat in a provider and inserting her close by when you begin to play together with your kitten.
It will virtually definitely actually make your grownup cat actually pissed at first. However over time, after doing this course of many times, your grownup cat will simply cease caring. Magically.
As a result of she will be able to’t care if each single time this disturbing kind of scenario has occurred, actually no issues occurred. It’s publicity remedy primarily. However with probably the most extraordinarily problematic scenario (i.e. the grownup cat has to look at one other cat apply searching and being aggressive) being watched time and again and nothing going flawed.
This I feel doubtless will assist probably the most over time.
3. Begin placing the kitten right into a provider and inserting the provider on the sofa subsequent to you as you cuddle your older cat.
This course of might take time to get to, and you might have to start out off with the kitten in a provider and sniffing and hissing after which slowly and steadily work your method towards your kitten with the ability to be within the provider on the couch whereas your grownup cat is subsequent to you.
However the final purpose is to have the 2 cats there, however the kitten secure, and the grownup cat getting spoiled and love and affection of all the kinds she loves whereas the kitten is current and watching.
And nothing for the kitten to start out with. All for the grownup cat. It will assist the grownup cat perceive that the brand new kitten won’t ever get between you and her. And that the kitten isn’t a risk to her relationship with you. Really, she might even start to be taught that when the kitten comes out in a provider, which means she’s sure to get cuddles and affection, so she might even begin to affiliate the kitten with completely satisfied ideas and emotions, which is your final purpose.
4. Begin placing the kitten within the provider and let your grownup cat roam for a couple of hours, and put your grownup cat in a provider and let your kitten roam for a couple of hours.
It will permit them to work together far more intently, however once more, with no chance of getting violent with one another.
What Ought to Ultimately Occur
You need to finally see the cats start to cease caring about one another as a result of they not understand one another as threats.
At that time, begin feeding them collectively, begin snuggling each on the identical time, do as many issues because the outdated cat loves along with her whereas the brand new cat is current as attainable. She ought to begin to make the affiliation that the brand new cat is simply tremendous to have round.
In the event that they’re overtly IGNORING one another – like you may inform that one is “watching” the opposite out of the nook of their eye and simply not doing something about it, you is perhaps shocked to be taught it is a good signal.
It means the opposite cat has gone from being an overt risk, to one thing the cat has begun to tolerate. Ignoring is step one of just about any nervousness beginning to dwindle down.
Catit Design Senses Meals Maze – Amazon / Chewy
There’s a bit in your story that you just shared the place you mentioned this: “Dolly has laid away from the display staring on the kitten who reacts solely with curiosity ( no aggression) and continues to growl and hiss at him.” I really learn that as an excellent signal.
As curiosity and “retaining her eye” on the brand new kitten, is a primary step towards ignoring in my expertise. Maintain at it, I really feel like with time, they undoubtedly are exhibiting indicators in co-existing with out violence someplace down the road.
After all it will probably at all times return a step or two, so at all times ensure your cats are monitored till you’re 100% certain there won’t be violence should you depart them alone collectively. Maintain them sperate with their very own areas as you have got been, and even when they’ve a one step ahead, two steps again relationship, should you maintain at it, the script will flip and they need to start to make way more progress towards peace between one another.
I’ve a couple of odd ideas and methods insofar as your remark about your cat turning into overstimulated shortly and biting you to attempt to “right” you – however once more I’ll save these for one more article as a result of they’re a subject on their very own! Once more for these subscribe to this weblog and keep tuned if you wish to about this, and I may also replace this weblog publish with the hyperlink when that article is up.
Your Ideas on Previous Cats Hating New Kittens?
Have you ever had any expertise with outdated cats hating the brand new kitten on the block?
Have you ever any tales to share with us? Any ideas or methods you may provide Cindy? Any phrase of recommendation or encouragement?
I’d love to listen to all of your ideas and experiences within the feedback down under! And I’m certain Cindy will admire each one you allow as nicely!